Chill

It happens. But it doesn’t mean that everything you’ve learned about your drinking just disappears. One time I less than half ass tried to quit. So instead of doing something I knew I couldn’t or didn’t want to I kept drinking for another 15 years or so. And knew I didn’t want to AS IContinue reading “Chill”

Life After Death

We did survive. Just barely. We didn’t thrive though. At.All. The never ending purgatory of feeling horrid when I woke up, to the inevitable anxiety and to top it off?! The guilt that I was going to do it again. That same day. Yes- there’s life after alcohol. And you’ll actually remember it. Happy Tuesday,Continue reading “Life After Death”

Not

I think I’ll stuck with the not column today. I can’t imagine going back to the anxiety and dread I used to wake up with after a night of drinking. I didn’t wait until the weekend though. But one Sunday I’ll never forget. I was in SoCal visiting a friend I hadn’t seen in years.Continue reading “Not”

Sweet Dreams 💫

I never had a problem sleeping. I could fall asleep on a dime. At one point I wondered if I had narcolepsy. Or like a 12 year case of mono. Nope. I passed out every night drunk so that sleep wasn’t the most restful. And I was a bit sick allll the time because IContinue reading “Sweet Dreams 💫”

Watch and Learn

If you tell me I can’t, then I have to. The people in my life who didn’t believe I could quit drinking weren’t just trying to be haters. They just knew me. The ones who REALLY knew me? They knew that my stubbornness and I’ll show them attitude was exactly what would work for me.Continue reading “Watch and Learn”

Tahiti

If I had a penny for every time I was going to quit but didn’t because of an upcoming event I’d be writing this post from my glass bottom house in Tahiti. Maybe Bali. But I digress. How many countless times have we all done that? Oh well I was going to quit but IContinue reading “Tahiti”

Streamers, Please

I’ll never forget the day I got out of rehab and went to a recovery meeting. I wanted the world to give me balloons, cake, and streamers. Didn’t they realize that I’d been sober for 28 WHOLE DAYS?! Where are all the props? It eventually dawned on me-why should I be celebrated for something thatContinue reading “Streamers, Please”

You Are Not What Happened to You

My anxiety today went from code orange to code red, then zoomed right ahead to flashing sirens. Something happened that triggered unresolved trauma. It’s been horrible, the resurgence of panic and dread, as well as the sort of resigned feeling that I’ll probably never really feel safe again, that there’s always something lurking and waitingContinue reading “You Are Not What Happened to You”

Why I Drank, and What Happened

The links between why I drank and what happened as my drinking progressed matches this chart exactly. I drank to cope: with anxiety (made it worse); a bad relationship (made it worse); work stress (worse); parenting stress (you get it). The more I drank to cope, the worse care I took with myself. I onlyContinue reading “Why I Drank, and What Happened”

Faking it

I kept up appearances quite well, even when I started drinking heavily. There were a couple slips of course (getting cuffed and hauled to county jail was not in line with my reputation, but you can be sure only my loved ones knew about that). When I felt embarrassed about getting sloppy drunk around certainContinue reading “Faking it”