Chill

It happens. But it doesn’t mean that everything you’ve learned about your drinking just disappears. One time I less than half ass tried to quit. So instead of doing something I knew I couldn’t or didn’t want to I kept drinking for another 15 years or so. And knew I didn’t want to AS IContinue reading “Chill”

What Have You Done For Me?

Alcohol DID give us some things, though. Nausea, anxiety, humiliation, and a mouth that didn’t know when to shut. I got bruises, scabs, scars and stitches. Alcohol helped us choose the sketchy friends and alcoholic boyfriends we thought we deserved. We attract the same energies we put out. I’ll stick with the sober energy. AndContinue reading “What Have You Done For Me?”

Not

I think I’ll stuck with the not column today. I can’t imagine going back to the anxiety and dread I used to wake up with after a night of drinking. I didn’t wait until the weekend though. But one Sunday I’ll never forget. I was in SoCal visiting a friend I hadn’t seen in years.Continue reading “Not”

Tahiti

If I had a penny for every time I was going to quit but didn’t because of an upcoming event I’d be writing this post from my glass bottom house in Tahiti. Maybe Bali. But I digress. How many countless times have we all done that? Oh well I was going to quit but IContinue reading “Tahiti”

Streamers, Please

I’ll never forget the day I got out of rehab and went to a recovery meeting. I wanted the world to give me balloons, cake, and streamers. Didn’t they realize that I’d been sober for 28 WHOLE DAYS?! Where are all the props? It eventually dawned on me-why should I be celebrated for something thatContinue reading “Streamers, Please”

Something to Prove

Being stubborn usually doesn’t serve me too well but when it comes to proving that I can and will do something, it does. I crushed truth or dare back in the day. My sister and I compare my determination to a Jack Russell terrier. Try telling one of them to give up. You’ll get aContinue reading “Something to Prove”

You Are Not What Happened to You

My anxiety today went from code orange to code red, then zoomed right ahead to flashing sirens. Something happened that triggered unresolved trauma. It’s been horrible, the resurgence of panic and dread, as well as the sort of resigned feeling that I’ll probably never really feel safe again, that there’s always something lurking and waitingContinue reading “You Are Not What Happened to You”

People Pleasing and Binge Drinking

I. Introduction. I’m Nicole. I’m a professional, middle-aged, single mom living in San Diego. I’ve got incredible people who love me and I love them right back. I have a fulfilling, rewarding, challenging profession where I come home every day honestly feeling I’ve helped some people. I have friends who are so hilarious and solidContinue reading “People Pleasing and Binge Drinking”

Sober Women Don’t Play

If you want to know how I quit drinking and started feeling empowered and much, much happier, here’s my formula. I decided to be done. I decided when I was clearheaded and took a minute to look at myself and how I felt about my life. I knew alcohol had to go. I told myContinue reading “Sober Women Don’t Play”

Sexy mama

When my sister and I were little we thought drinking was what made you grown up. We saw our parents drink and have a great time. We watched them and their friends at parties and they seemed so sophisticated to us. They danced, talked, and drank like classy adults. The way we drank was anythingContinue reading “Sexy mama”