Let that shit go

The mistake I clung to was alcohol. It was always my drug of choice. I started with it and ended with it and there were other things sprinkled in between. A friend of mine told he once that his drug of choice was “more”. I get it. There was never enough for me. I’d haveContinue reading “Let that shit go”

Killing mysElf

I would do ANYTHING when I was wasted. People would say oh I bet no one would do this (insert something ridiculous, dangerous, or illegal) and I’d happily volunteer. Consequences never crossed my mind. I literally cannot BELIEVE I’m still alive. I’d pride myself on being the badass drunk chick who could drink like aContinue reading “Killing mysElf”

Bitch please

I don’t fantasize about drinking anymore. Which is crazy. But I sure used to. I’d glance at people enjoying a lunch on a gorgeous spring day, with a fresh basket of bread and wine in glasses that catch the light. Laughing and clinking glasses and sipping while eating and chatting. It’s weird that I fantasizedContinue reading “Bitch please”

IsMs

I knew I was an alcoholic but I didn’t know all that entailed. I thought if I could just quit drinking my life would fall into place. Putting the bottle down was a start. It was so huge. When I had a week sober I wanted to tell everyone I had ever met…”I DID ITContinue reading “IsMs”

Obsession

By the end of my drinking days, it was such hard work keeping a double life going. I was exhausted. I’d wake up wishing I could stay in bed all day, then force myself through my work day and parenting. Alcohol permeated my whole day. I’d start in the morning vowing to cut down, orContinue reading “Obsession”

Heaven

It didn’t surprise anyone in my life to hear I was going to rehab. I’d been showing up as an alcoholic since I was 16 years old. What did surprise them was the fact that I got and stayed sober. If I was a gambler I’d have placed my bet on NO FUCKING WAY she’llContinue reading “Heaven”

Boundaries, baby

I never wanted to make waves…until I was drunk. I couldn’t stand confrontation and avoided uncomfortable situations at all costs. My anxiety and addiction helped me to become the best avoidant ever. If it was fight or flight, I’d take flight, thank you very much. On the flip, I’d look for confrontation when I wasContinue reading “Boundaries, baby”