Drinking Doesn’t Make Me SophistIcated

Drinking Doesn’t Make Me SophistIcated

When I was growing up, I saw so many images romanticizing and glamorizing alcohol.

I just knew when I grew up, I’d be able to drink. And I’d be sooo worldly and charming and cosmopolitan.

I grew up. I embraced and celebrated happy hour and wine with dinner and girls night out.

The sad thing is I always had a good life with wonderful friends and family, but so many of our experiences were fuzzy or even ruined by alcohol.

When I have a drink in my hand, I am exactly the opposite of what I want to be. I want to be engaged, interested, and happy. What happens when I start drinking is… well… I never know.

I might be sappy, morose, giddy, weepy, promiscuous, or any kind of a mess.

I didn’t drink today. And tomorrow, I’m going to do all the things I do that keep me on the sober path. It’s a beautiful life. I want to be present for it.

Boundaries, baby

Boundaries, baby

I never wanted to make waves…until I was drunk. I couldn’t stand confrontation and avoided uncomfortable situations at all costs. My anxiety and addiction helped me to become the best avoidant ever. If it was fight or flight, I’d take flight, thank you very much. On the flip, I’d look for confrontation when I was drunk. I’d say, “you want a piece of me?!” in bars. Now that I’m sober I have had to set some boundaries. If I don’t have them in place I risk a relapse- it may not necessarily be that I pick up a drink or a drug, but I could revert into old patterns of behavior that kept me in the cups for so long. I can’t tell y’all how many people I never set boundaries with and then would “have to” make up excuses to blow them off. I knew that some of them were bad for me and would expect me to “bring it” as the crazy ass chick who drank like a fish and was up for anything. I’ve been setting boundaries now for a few 24 hours and it’s such a relief. It’s a moment of an uncomfortable conversation that replaces months or even years of making excuses as to why I don’t want to hang anymore. Today I prefer to have that face to face conversation. Rip off the bandaid and let’s have a chat. I like to look people in the eye and let them know where I’m coming from. I’d the relationship is over, so be it. If it’s a family member, well.. I guess I’ll see them over the holidays. Nothing is more important than my sobriety. If that bothers someone l, it’s on them. Keep it simple today, sober family.

On Being Sober Mamas

On Being Sober Mamas

We sober sisters are also mamas. We have 3 teens between us, aged 14, 15 and 16. Our kids have seen us drunk. They have seen us sloppy. We wish we could erase those memories they have. We wish we had been more present for them. Our babies are the most important people in our lives and we love them so much. Still. That didn’t stop us from drinking too much around them.

The truth is, we lost control over our drinking years ago. We’d make promises to cut down, to moderate it, to drink when they weren’t around.

Then we’d drink anyway. We’d drink a lot. It’s not easy, being single working moms. There aren’t enough hours in the day. There were days we felt like we were failing at life. So we’d drink to try to calm down the anxiety and to just take a break. That’s what we told ourselves anyway. We deserved it. We needed it.

We got by, but it got harder. It was awful to work while hungover. Parenting while feeling sick was miserable. The cycle just kept on going, as we kept disappointing our kids and ourselves. The worse it got, the more the shame built up. So we’d drink to block that out too.

All of our kids showed us they were really worried about us.. We finally just couldn’t hurt our kids or ourselves for one more minute. So we stopped trying to manage drinking and decided to do whatever it took to stop drinking and STAY stopped.

We can’t erase the past. We can’t get those years back. What we can do is show our kids that they can trust us and count on us. We can be honest with them. We can also show them how we manage life without alcohol (or drugs).

We hope they never see us take another drink.

Quitting drinking didn’t take our problems away, but throwing alcohol on our problems was like tossing jet fuel on a fire. It never, never made things better.

We both found sober support groups. We work on our recovery every single day. We freed up lots of time by not having to sleep off hangovers. We sleep better, we eat better, we exercise, we show up for other people.

Our kids are proud of us. Alcoholism goes back generations in our family. We’re breaking the cycle and we will never take it for granted.

Contagion

Contagion

Hey everyone! Happy Wednesday. A very good friend of mine told me today that the Sober Sisters is spreading like crazy online. She said we’re like COVID in that way – we’re becoming contagious. I love that we are reaching so many people out there. It’s especially cool because the metamorphosis of this whole project was super organic. It started out with sharing stories with my sister and laughing our asses off. It’s exciting to be able to share these with you, too. We aren’t trying to change, convert, or influence anyone. We are, however, here for you if you do choose to live the sober life. It’s working for us.