Happy Saturday Sober Sister Fam! This is Nicole. I was thinking about how happy I am to make a decision to stop drinking and not question it NO MATTER WHAT. It’s a decision, not a discussion. Or a debate. Or negotiation. I tell alcohol what I tell any child of mine daring to disrespect me: “I don’t negotiate with terrorists.” Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Alcohol. For awhile when boozy occasions beckoned me, I just said “No, thank you,” and walked on by. These days I can be around drinkers, as a solid, committed nondrinker. No problem. As long as I check my motives and have a good reason to be in that place at that time with those people, it’s not an issue. It’s like eating out with friends. I don’t eat meat but they can and it means nothing. It’s a neutral state. Because I made a decision and stuck to it. I don’t eat meat. I don’t drink. The. End.
As I evolve in my sobriety I am reminded on a daily basis of how I’ve grown and how much I have left to work on. I am able to recognize and appreciate the beauty in front of me when I stay in the moment and don’t let my character defect of “I want what I want when I want it” get in the way. I have to consciously remind myself to surrender my will and actually receive the miracles that are revealed each and every day.
“I came to (this 12 step program) to stop drinking, I stay in it to change my thinking”. I hear this in the meetings I attend several days a week. In active addiction I didn’t appreciate the beauty around me. I was so focused on my relationship with alcohol I just wasn’t open to fixing what was actually making me want to drink in the first place. Drinking was but a symptom. Now that I have a few years of sobriety under my belt it’s time to look at who I am and how to become the person I would like to be. I want to exude serenity and grace (HAHAH IF YOU KNOW ME DON’T LAUGH TOO HARD).
I have a small group of sober women that I respect and who seem to have their shit together. They seem so “zen” and at peace. The ones that I learn from are the ones who don’t just talk the talk. Anyone can say anything and it’s up to us to sort the bullshit from the wisdom.
I hope your day is filled with beauty and love. Have a wonderful sober weekend.
Good Tuesday morning Sober Sisters! Brothers too. 🙂
There are so many things the sisters use to stay sober each day. Different strategies work on different days. We think what works depends on where we are emotionally and spiritually that day. Some days all we can do is just not pick up that first drink. Some days we attend a 12 step meeting. Some days we reach out and help a newcomer who is struggling with sobriety. One thing that works for us each and every day is talking with each other. If I didn’t have a sober biological sister I’d reach out to another sober sis in my fellowship.
I got a kick to the solar plexus a few days ago. I saw something on social media that literally knocked me down. It was hurtful and I was NOT in a good place. The first person I called was my sister. She grounded me and reminded me that “this too shall pass”. She is also upfront and honest and won’t EVER co-sign my bullshit and showed me my part in the whole situation. She helped me remember that my ego gets in the way of my growth and peace.
I hope you all have at least one sister you can call when life beats you up. We’re here for you too.
The sisters have been reflecting on self-sabotage. Why did we continue to do things that hurt us? Why continue to drink when we knew it would only lead to anxiety, humiliation, and regret? Drinking became a habit and we saw it as a solution to our anxiety. We saw alcohol as a reward for working hard and handling stress. What we didn’t realize was that our lives became a never-ending cycle of the very emotions we were trying to suppress. With a bit of sobriety and perspective we now know that alcohol is never a solution for alcoholics like us.
Have a fabulous Saturday, friends! Don’t forget to Keep It Simple Sisters.
I was just thinking about how giving up drinking was a huge gesture of self love. And that can be so hard, loving myself. My inner critic can be mean. And unforgiving. This was especially true in the pergatory I found myself in- when I KNEW I had an escalating drinking problem and made a decision to stop drinking. A promise I made made single day. And then I failed to stop, over and over again.
So how did I finally succeed? In 2015, I had an alcohol-related disaster that snapped me right out of denial and right into a 12-step program. I stayed sober for a couple years, then convinced myself that circumstances were stacked against me, that my drinking problem was a result of medicating over truly hard life problems. So I drank again. Never mind that drinking always made things worse overall, it still obliterated the pain temporarily. Then I just had to suffer extra when I wasn’t drinking. With real hangovers. And emotional hangovers. And shame.
In early 2018 my kids called me out on acting drunk the night before. And that gave me the push I needed to stop again.
The trick is staying stopped. I’ve quit hundreds of times! But I value my life and what I can contribute to my family and community nowadays. I love myself sober. Until I got to this place, I realized I had to be brave enough to tell someone I needed help. Once it came without having to say it. On account of crashing the car.
There’s a lot of practice and planning and lying that goes into living a double life. For me, it was a relief to finally tell the truth. It helps keep me accountable. I tell the people in my life that I can’t and won’t drink. So that’s the first part. Admitting to myself and other people there’s a problem I can’t fix and I need help.
The next part is just get through another day without a drink and keep up honest relationships. I had to want to do this for me, but I really wanted to do it for my people too, especially my kids.
Even the bad days are much better now. Because if I get through a day sober, that’s something to be proud of.
Our podcast today is titled “The Opposite of Addiction is Connection”. You won’t want to miss it! At the beginning of my drinking career I wanted to connect with my peers. I found a great way to do so was to be the most wild, drunk, loud one at the party. At the end of my drinking career I isolated and would do anything to disconnect from those who loved me. All I cared about was my bestie (my bottle). I’m grateful today to be connected to healthy, happy, respectful relationships.
My wonderful friend Lori taught me the term “the shamesies”. The shamesies are the worst and often I told myself that I could only get over my shame from something I’d done or said the night before by drinking again. It became a shame-ridden Groundhog’s Day. I can’t believe some of my people are still friends with me. I spilled the Santa secret to this same friend’s young son. I took off my dress at another friend’s wedding reception. Both of these friends were an integral part of my intervention. I love waking up without shame. And without a splitting headache and a pukey tummy.
Today Nicole and I talked about names in our latest podcast. I have always wanted to not called “Tammie” because it makes me think of a cigarette smoking redneck hollering at her kids to “come get their damn supper” or some such nonsense. She got the good name all right. We then talked about the label “alcoholic” and the stigma that comes along with that name. We decided that we’re fine with being alcoholics in recovery because without our quite colorful pasts we couldn’t be who we are today.
Hey everyone! Happy Wednesday. A very good friend of mine told me today that the Sober Sisters is spreading like crazy online. She said we’re like COVID in that way – we’re becoming contagious. I love that we are reaching so many people out there. It’s especially cool because the metamorphosis of this whole project was super organic. It started out with sharing stories with my sister and laughing our asses off. It’s exciting to be able to share these with you, too. We aren’t trying to change, convert, or influence anyone. We are, however, here for you if you do choose to live the sober life. It’s working for us.