Day 4 Sober October

Day 4 Sober October

People used to beg me to stop drinking. They just couldn’t understand how someone could keep doing the same things with consequences that got worse and worse over the years. Every time anyone mentioned my drinking, a seed was planted. But I know one thing for sure – when they told me I LOOKED LIKE SH*T , I listened. Maybe admitting that makes me shallow but what do I care? I don’t have spider veins spreading across my nose and cheeks and my hair isn’t dryer than the Sahara. Whatever it takes, do that. And always remember to keep it simple, Sisters.
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sober #soberchick #sobermemes #sobermama #soberlife #glowup #levelup #wakeup #keepitsimple #odaat #teetotallyawesome #soberissexy #soberinspiration #soberwomen #alcoholfreeliving #af #alcoholsucks #fuckalcohol #sobrietyquotes #sobersister #sobersisters #idontdrink #sobermomtribe #sobermotivation #sobrietyisbeautiful #sobrietyissexy #keepitsimple #straightedgegirls #soberthoughts #soberano #raiseyourvibration

Demonic Alcohol

Demonic Alcohol

Some say drunk words are sober thoughts. Mine weren’t. I don’t know who that person was but it wasn’t pretty. And I said it all. Did it all. Didn’t remember it all. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a monster when you get drunk? That they don’t even recognize you? One theory is that alcohol is called spirits to refer to a demon or spirit that produces intoxication. Well. No one needs to see the spirited demon that rears it’s head when I drank. Better to have a happy spirit, soul, mind, and body. Happy Monday, Sisters! Keep it simple today.
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sober #soberchick #sobermemes #sobermama #soberlife #glowup #levelup #wakeup #keepitsimple #odaat #teetotallyawesome #soberissexy #soberinspiration #soberwomen #alcoholfreeliving #af #alcoholsucks #fuckalcohol #sobrietyquotes #sobersister #sobersisters #idontdrink #sobermomtribe #sobermotivation #sobrietyisbeautiful #sobrietyissexy #keepitsimple #straightedgegirls #soberthoughts #raiseyourvibration #soberoctober

Sober October

Sober October

We know so many women who stopped drinking alcohol for Sober October or Dry January who decided to continue riding this AF train even after their month was “up”. After recognizing how much better they felt they realized exactly how much alcohol stole from them. Money, time, serenity, happiness, fitness, whatever! Anyway, if it’s your Day 1 or 1001, congrats! Keep it simple today, Sisters.
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#sober #soberchick #sobermemes #sobermama #soberlife #glowup #levelup #wakeup #keepitsimple #odaat #teetotallyawesome #soberissexy #soberinspiration #soberwomen #alcoholfreeliving #af #alcoholsucks #fuckalcohol #sobrietyquotes #sobersister #sobersisters #idontdrink #sobermomtribe #sobermotivation #sobrietyisbeautiful #sobrietyissexy #keepitsimple #straightedgegirls #soberthoughts #sobertransformation #soberoctober

Pricy, Pricy

Pricy, Pricy

Not to mention the fact that somehow when I got a buzz on I guess I thought I was #oprahwinfrey because it was “you get a shot! And you get a shot! Sure, you too!” like she used to say on her #favoritethings shows. Though I guess she said you get a car or something. Why did I do that? Well, I can’t answer why I did 85% of things I did after I got drunk. As for the other 15%, I just don’t remember. One thing that helped me to remember was if I woke up with an injury I could probably piece together how it happened. It’s nice to be relatively normal. Only took a few decades and scars that last a lifetime. They fade, though, and people forgive. I don’t forget and don’t want to. Why? Because I never want to be that lost soul again. Happy Wednesday, Sisters! Keep it simple today.
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sober #soberchick #sobermemes #sobermama #soberlife #glowup #levelup #wakeup #keepitsimple #odaat #teetotallyawesome #soberissexy #soberinspiration #soberwomen #alcoholfreeliving #af #alcoholsucks #fuckalcohol #sobrietyquotes #sobersister #sobersisters #idontdrink #sobermomtribe #sobermotivation #sobrietyisbeautiful #sobrietyissexy #keepitsimple #straightedgegirls #soberthoughts

Do it Today

Do it Today

I drank for many years after knowing I shouldn’t. Alcohol slowly started strangling everything important to me, like a creeping, sinister vine. I let it take my self esteem, my work ethic, my sense of responsibility, my hobbies, my peace and my joy. For a few years, I could somewhat control my alcohol use. I’d go weeks without drinking. But once I took the first sip, I couldn’t control how much I drank.

The crazy part? The days I woke up without a hangover were the best days. I started the day with a little energy, not feeling so sick, and proud of myself for not drinking. I’d be productive and active. But the obsession to drink would come back and eventually win out. And I’d be thrown back into chaos and shame.

My sister and I talked today about what it was like when we were in that purgatory state with alcohol-hating it and being disgusted and ashamed…. and then still drinking. The absolute worst. I quipped, “It’s like picking at a scab.” (These things just roll off my tongue. It’s a blessing and a curse.)

I used my body like a science experiment for decades. Decades. And my behavior like a sociological study. My insane thinking was for the neurologists and psychiatrists to dissect. It’s like I was detached from myself, like I was just watching someone else go through life. Like I wasn’t real.

And I kind of wasn’t real. I was a walking, talking, smiling mannequin, somehow miraculously human-like, but something’s just not quite right.

I have known all of this for years and been so scared of what it meant that I drank more to try to protect myself. I tried detaching enough, medicating enough, to not fall apart.

Then the drinking caused most of the crises but the only coping skill I had left was drinking. This could have gone on forever until one day I made a decision, one I shared with loved ones, that there could be no more empty promises of “tomorrow.”

If I were reading this while still drinking, I would indignantly think, “This is bullocks. This is the WORST time to quit drinking because [every excuse in the book].”

It is ALWAYS the worst time to quit drinking for people with drinking problems. Which, when you think about it, makes you realize it’s the best time of all. Or even the only time.

If you want to stop drinking, do it today. If you’re a heavy daily drinker, get to a medially supervised hospital detox. If you’re a problem drinker who doesn’t get significant withdrawal symptoms, dump it down the drain (if there’s any left). And go get the rest of the hidden stash too. And even the emergency stash. This is the hard part: after all that, DO NOT BUY MORE. And stay away from it until you feel stronger. That’s how I had to do it, anyway.

Show Yourself Some Love ❤️

Show Yourself Some Love ❤️

Hey sisters!

I was just thinking about how giving up drinking was a huge gesture of self love. And that can be so hard, loving myself. My inner critic can be mean. And unforgiving. This was especially true in the pergatory I found myself in- when I KNEW I had an escalating drinking problem and made a decision to stop drinking. A promise I made made single day. And then I failed to stop, over and over again.

So how did I finally succeed? In 2015, I had an alcohol-related disaster that snapped me right out of denial and right into a 12-step program. I stayed sober for a couple years, then convinced myself that circumstances were stacked against me, that my drinking problem was a result of medicating over truly hard life problems. So I drank again. Never mind that drinking always made things worse overall, it still obliterated the pain temporarily. Then I just had to suffer extra when I wasn’t drinking. With real hangovers. And emotional hangovers. And shame.

In early 2018 my kids called me out on acting drunk the night before. And that gave me the push I needed to stop again.

The trick is staying stopped. I’ve quit hundreds of times! But I value my life and what I can contribute to my family and community nowadays. I love myself sober. Until I got to this place, I realized I had to be brave enough to tell someone I needed help. Once it came without having to say it. On account of crashing the car.

There’s a lot of practice and planning and lying that goes into living a double life. For me, it was a relief to finally tell the truth. It helps keep me accountable. I tell the people in my life that I can’t and won’t drink. So that’s the first part. Admitting to myself and other people there’s a problem I can’t fix and I need help.

The next part is just get through another day without a drink and keep up honest relationships. I had to want to do this for me, but I really wanted to do it for my people too, especially my kids.

Even the bad days are much better now. Because if I get through a day sober, that’s something to be proud of.

💋 Nicole