Sober Dating?

Happy Tuesday Sober Fam!

Nicole and I were just chatting with some friends about sober dating. I have a few thoughts. 🙂

Before I got sober, any and everything seemed to be overwhelming to try to do without a drink or seven. I didn’t go to events if there was no alcohol being served. If I absolutely HAD TO GO I’d down a few drinks beforehand and QUITE a few after. My disease tells me anything it needs to in order to keep me in my disease. There are countless times I’d swear off drinking and then an event would come up and I’d tell myself I HAD to have a few to “deal”.

I kept pretty close to home my first year of sobriety. I’d go to work, spend time with my son, and go to my 12 step meetings. I didn’t go to events where I’d be around alcohol. I wasn’t willing to risk my sobriety. After the first year it just didn’t seem to matter if there was alcohol around. I am sure to check in with myself and if I feel uncomfortable I just leave.

As for dating. UGH. I’ve dated a few men that I met in recovery meetings. I felt comfortable knowing that they were sober too. I didn’t need any “liquid courage” to go on dates because I already had friendships with them. The problem is, though, I have stopped drinking but all of my “defects” haven’t disappeared. I’m still a bit selfish and know it all ish. Those traits aren’t ideal for being in or maintaining a happy, healthy relationship. I’m taking a break for now and working on me.

As always, listen to your gut. It hasn’t failed me yet when I actually do.

Have a terrific Tuesday and don’t forget to keep it simple!

Bye Bye Barriers

Hello Friends and Sisters!

I was just thinking about why it took me so long to become alcohol free when I knew deep down I really had a problem. 

People talk about this ad nauseum. Why do some people (let’s stick with women) who clearly need help not just go to rehab or AA already? 
Some common answers include: she didn’t hit her bottom yet; she’s not willing to admit she’s an alcoholic; and she refuses to give her life over to God. I fit all of these at one point. 
Good news, ladies. There are still places for you if you don’t identify as an alcoholic. If AA isn’t your thing. If you’re not sure you want to stop drinking. Resources. Groups. Books. Podcasts. Blogs. You can always start here with the Sober Sisters. Or you can drop by, decide it’s not quite right, and keep searching. 

My thought for the day is I believe we all know, deep down, what’s right for us. That we can take what works and leave the rest. That not conforming to one recovery program or another doesn’t mean failure. On the contrary. It means we are reclaiming ourselves. 

Nowadays I trust myself. Well maybe not my thinking all the time. But my gut? The seat of my knowing? That, I trust. And the way I carved out to live alcohol free? The way that isn’t exactly like anyone else’s way? I trust that too. 

Thanks for being here! Happy Wednesday!

The Road Less Traveled

Happy Monday to all of you kick ass sober sisters and brothers!

Have you ever tried a geographic relocation to escape your bad habits of drinking? Have you ever told yourself that if you just get to a new town, a new house, a new state, a new country that everything will be better? That you’ll get your shit together and sober up once and for all?

The sisters tried this. And failed. Tried again. Failed again. Confucius said, “Wherever you go, there you are”.

Physically moving to a new place didn’t change us how we wanted it to. It’s easy to tell yourself, “Oh, I live in a beach town, people just drink more here”. Or “I’m the only American in this part of whatever country, of course I’m going to drink more”.

Until we got honest with ourselves and actually realized and BELIEVED that the problem came from within, not without, did we start to get better. Then the real work started.

It’s still a road with ups and downs, lefts and rights, but we never pop that bitch in reverse.

Be kind to yourselves today and remember to keep it simple, sisters.

No Matter What

Happy Saturday Sober Sister Fam!
This is Nicole. I was thinking about how happy I am to make a decision to stop drinking and not question it NO MATTER WHAT. It’s a decision, not a discussion. Or a debate. Or negotiation. 
I tell alcohol what I tell any child of mine daring to disrespect me: “I don’t negotiate with terrorists.”
Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Alcohol.
For awhile when boozy occasions beckoned me, I just said “No, thank you,” and walked on by. These days I can be around drinkers, as a solid, committed nondrinker. No problem. As long as I check my motives and have a good reason to be in that place at that time with those people, it’s not an issue.
It’s like eating out with friends. I don’t eat meat but they can and it means nothing. It’s a neutral state. Because I made a decision and stuck to it. I don’t eat meat. I don’t drink. 

welcome to the sister blog!

welcome to the sister blog!

Hi ladies! We are SO gad you found your way to our community of fun-hearted, sober, and sober-curious women. Welcome!

Let us tell you a story…

So how did two sisters wind up sober just weeks apart? What makes us alike, what makes us different? How’d we finally put the plug in the jug?

Keep up with our blog and listen to our pod and we will tell you everything.