Shame

There were no happy accidents when I was drinking. Lots of accidents, yes. Happy ones, no. I spent years of my life on morning afters filled with shame. The difference between shame and guilt is that guilt is about something you’ve done while shame is about something you are. I

Memorial

We are thinking of and grateful for the loved ones who have been lost while they were in the armed forces. It’s embarrassing to admit this but when I was drinking, I never thought about Memorial Day as anything other than a day off work. The self-centeredness of this alkie

No do overs

Or 95 times. I can’t tell you how many times I could have died from overindulgence. I put myself in precarious situations and I also made horrible choices when I was drunk or blacked out. Driving drunk, going to sketchy places, jumping off bridges and over fires, starting fights with

LiVing my best life

I couldn’t quit for anyone but me. No threats, tears, or ultimatums could make me stop. It took every last drink I swallowed to get me to complete surrender. Do I have regrets? Well, I’m definitely not proud of who I’d become. I didn’t consciously set out to hurt anyone.

Give yoUrself a chance

When my son was four I saw him in a knock down, drag out fistfight on the beach with his friend. I ran over to them and asked why they were fighting. My son said that he was trying to throw a washed up jellyfish back into the ocean and

Cycle

I got stuck. In purgatory. For decades. I hated alcohol but didn’t want to deal with life without it. I hated hangovers but drinking made them go away. I hated the anxiety I felt every second I was sober so I quieted my brain with still more alcohol. The daily

Moderation

Don’t ask me. I never could moderate my intake of anything, especially alcohol. One of the greatest gifts of sobriety is that I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I cannot drink successfully or in moderation. Every single time I tried I wound up just as drunk.

Accept

I could sell fire to the devil himself if I wanted to badly enough. I could talk (or let’s be real- manipulate) people into doing what I wanted or believing what I said. So when I told myself over and over for decades that I could manage my drinking I

Don’t show me the evidence

I was recently asked how I still had anyone left around me when I was a full-blown fall-down drunk. She said it sounded like I had kind of burned all my bridges with the choices I’d made. I told her that people found it too hard to say goodbye to

Puppeteer

If a man tried to tell us what to do we’d bounce faster than the energizer bunny. So what was it about alcohol that we allowed it to dictate every aspect of our lives? Well, we’ve learned a few things. As soon as we have a drink the phenomenon of

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