I’ve been told I have a gift. I can recommend a movie for any mood you’re in. Depressed? Melissa McCarthy’s Tammy or The Heat. Lazy and a little sad but you don’t want to pay attention? 13 Going on 30. Melancholy? Fried Green Tomatoes. Maybe these are just the ones that work for my sis and me. This morning I keep getting that quote by Judd Nelson’s fine self from The Breakfast Club (maybe you don’t think he’s fine but in that movie 🔥🔥🔥- it’s probably a bad boy thing that I’ve been known to possess). He said, “Demented and sad, but social” about the “nerd” being in the chess club. I realized that when I was drinking and going out to be “social” that was me. The sadness oozed out of me no matter how I tried to hide it. The demented probably won’t go away bc it still hasn’t, and the social? Just because we’re around others doesn’t mean we’re being social. For me it just highlighted my alcohol use disorder. Gave everyone something to talk about. At least now if they’re talking I remember what they’re talking about. And it’s not about how sloppy a drunk I am. Happy Tuesday, soberfamily! Keep it simple today. . . .
Don’t get me wrong. I love springtime. And summertime. Fall is cool too. Winter can suck it (for me)! But Every Single Time the weather turns warm I’m surprised that my first thought STILL goes to alcohol. All I have to do, though, is look back to see how any of these things in this post end. Yard work? Welp I’d cut some grass (not on a riding mower) with beer in hand and think I deserved a lot more. So I’d do maybe the side yard then “deserve” a break. Drink a six pack, HAVE to get more, by that time I’d blow it all off and forget all about that pesky grass. Garden parties never ended well for me. Horse races too. Lahdddd all the times I went to Preakness?! Cute hat n all and I’d feel like Princess Kate’s sister (what’s her name again? Cute name too!) when I got there. I’d get carried out at some point but not after diving off of super tall coolers people would stack up. Like I was a damn Sex Pistol or something. Beach? Fahhhgetttabboutitt. 😵💫😮. So there you have it. Just because it’s gorgeous outside doesn’t mean I’m all of a sudden able to handle the sauce. As one of my bosses told me in 1997, “you’re a good worker but you need to stop letting the sauce take you down”. Thanks Mr. Wiseman. Wise words. From a wise man (I had to do it 😂). Happy Wednesday, sober family! Keep it simple today. . . .
What’s the difference between guilt and shame? I can’t ever remember but my friend @artunwined explains it in the best way/ guilt is feeling badly bc you did something wrong and shame is feeling like you’re.just.bad. Not bad as in good either. I’ve been found guilty of a few … misunderstandings in my day. I’d have taken those any day over my shame that I couldn’t ever shake. Now I know why I couldn’t. I knew in my core that I wasn’t living the way I could and should. I wasn’t living the way my sis and I were taught to live. I know how to act and what I believed when I was a kid. Then spent way too much time unlearning all of it and numbing that shame with a ton of alcohol. 3 tons probably. No more for me, thanks. I’ve had enough for 7 lifetimes if not more. Happy Sunday night, sober family! Wishing you beautiful dreams. ❤️. . . .
I know I was a pro at the #irishexit when I was drinking. Come to find I’m just as good at it when I’m not. And idk why it’s the “Irish” exit…every Irishman or woman I’ve ever partied with could hannnng. But. Back to the point. If your gut feels like something isn’t right and you’ve got to go, listen to it. If it’s late and the only other people around are sh*tfaced, time to bounce. Why would you stick around? If you’re the DD you decide- and if anyone you drive wants to stay- that’s for them to decide. I have a hard time being around messy and sloppy. God knows I WAS messy for about 3 decades. Time to clean up and glide on. Happy Tuesday, sober family! Keep it simple today. . . .
So I’m thinking that maybe if I write this out I can stop thinking about it. I’m also thinking that I probably should go to bed so maybe my writing will bore me to sleep. Either way!
As I just celebrated my fourth alcohol free year people naturally asked how I was feeling and if it’s easy now. My answers were basically like yeah it’s not hard for me to abstain from alcohol now at all and the longer I’ve been sober, the more “opportunities” I’ve had to see people getting drunk. And it ALWAYS makes me hate alcohol even more. It also makes me sad for them. I wonder how many strangers felt sad for me?
But you know what I’ve really come to realize? It doesn’t have to be alcohol. The more I work on me the more I find I need to work on. So I’m still insatiable. Just not with alcohol. And one last thing…how many of us still struggle with addiction and are petrified to even try to stop? Well. If you’re reading this then you’re already doing something. And sometimes something is enough for now. Happy Tuesday, sober family! Keep it simple today.
It happens. But it doesn’t mean that everything you’ve learned about your drinking just disappears. One time I less than half ass tried to quit. So instead of doing something I knew I couldn’t or didn’t want to I kept drinking for another 15 years or so. And knew I didn’t want to AS I WAS DOING IT and still kept going. Until I couldn’t. So be kind to you, mother yourself, and keep it simple tonight, sober family. . . .
We did survive. Just barely. We didn’t thrive though. At.All. The never ending purgatory of feeling horrid when I woke up, to the inevitable anxiety and to top it off?! The guilt that I was going to do it again. That same day. Yes- there’s life after alcohol. And you’ll actually remember it. Happy Tuesday, sober family! Keep it simple today. . . .
Without all of you, we wouldn’t love, laugh, cry, and vent so openly. My sister and I are so lucky and we thank the Universe every night for the friendship of this sisterhood. We’ve always got your back and we know you have ours. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, sober family! Keep it simple today. . . .