I was looking at my calendar today thinking, first of all, I need a vacation. Second, it’s going to be a great week. I chose everything on that calendar—my work responsibilities, Sober Sisters jobs, shopping for a neighbor who broke her pelvis, improv class, long walk with a friend, girls night at my place… and that’s just the next couple days. It’s not always like this, how busy I am ebbs and flows. It has to. I need down time and self care too.
What struck me most—the point I’m making—Is that my life is full of people I love and respect. People I chose, who chose me back. The same people I would have blown off five years back because either I couldn’t do anything extra because I was always so burnt out when I was drinking, or because, ummmmm, there’s no wine?
Wanting to be where alcohol is present—and avoiding situations where it isn’t —was a sign of my escalating drinking problem. The crazy thing is that I knew it at the time. I just rationalized it, decided to deal with it later, told myself pretty much everyone I know would have been called ‘functional alcoholics’ in more quaint times past.
It was all excuses and I knew it. I thought it would be too hard to quit so I didn’t try (saying I’d do it later, someday, doesn’t count).
I’m glad my calendar isn’t filled with boozy happy hours this week. Or, worse, blank.