I’m smart but the drinking cycle was kicking my ass.
It scared the shit out of me, that I needed to stop drinking and literally could not stay away.
The problem was really how I could not stop obsessing about alcohol. It hijacked my brain. It made me feel insane. I’d be obsessing about cleaning the house, both so it would look like everything was hunky dory and to make sure I didn’t leave evidence of secret drinking. I’d obsess about the recycling and try to make it look like a regular person’s recycling. I’d obsess about if any of my patients could have seen me stumbling around late night walking my dog. I’d obsess about when I could get my hands on the next drink.
Did I mention I have anxiety? 🤣🤣🤣
What helped me sooo much was just pulling myself back from all the anxious future tripping by deep breathing or a walk around the block or whatever and if I couldn’t get out of my obsessive negative thinking I’d replace it with something like, “I can get around the block without a drink.” I’d say it 1000 times if that’s what it took to reverse the harmful thoughts. It kind of made me feel crazy but it worked. And now I can’t even believe I used to struggle with booze. I have zero interest. It just takes time to get there. If you’re struggling, hang on. 🖤