To say I was unreliable when I was drinking is an understatement. I blew off promises and events and plans like I was blowing a dandelion in the wind. It was easy to do. It’s not so easy to forgive myself for it. I still can’t believe that my friends stuck around for me. I certainly wouldn’t want to babysit a drunken 40- something year old mom who’s passed out on the sidewalk. I wouldn’t want to put out the fires that someone else started due to drunken idiotic behavior. I wouldn’t want to keep an eye on someone who’s passed out to make sure she doesn’t choke on her own puke. My friends forgave me for these and countless other situations I dragged us through while I was “under the influence”. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, it’s not sexy. It’s pitiful. And if there’s one thing I can’t take, it’s pity. I’ve since apologized and have moved forward. So have they. I learned my lesson after being taught about 5,000 times that I just can’t drink successfully. I also couldn’t live in regret, shame, guilt and remorse. I made mistakes, I owned up to them, and I moved on. I’m no help to anyone if I can’t look at myself in the mirror. We all fuck up, it’s how we handle it that separates us. Happy Wednesday, sober family. Keep it simple today.
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