I look back on the first few times I drank and it was all about being cool and doing what everyone else did. We got some beer from a friend’s older sister and drank until we got sick. Then we couldn’t wait to do it again the next weekend. We thought we were sophisticated, fun, and hella sexy. We looked up to the older kids who were drinking. We thought about our parents’ parties and how every single one of those served copious amounts of alcohol. If everyone was doing it, how wrong could it be? Besides, the only cool parties were the ones where everyone was drunk, playing asshole (the card game), hooking up, and dancing. Nobody poured that first drink down my throat. Even as we got older it was the social norm. The looks I imagined people giving me when I asked for a water instead of a beer were enough to keep me drinking. Here’s the thing, though. By the end, no one was drinking with me. At least not the way I wanted to drink. In order for me to feel like I had enough I’d pre-game before the event and post-game after. All by myself. I don’t know when that started but it ended when I quit. My days and nights wound up being solo, drunken and ashamed. I couldn’t control my drinking and I was sick of being around people who thought they could “help”. So the very thing that I started to do to be social and popular? It gave me a lonely, depressed existence. It’s so much better to be sober. I don’t miss the messages asking if I knew what I did and who I offended. I don’t miss the hangovers. I definitely don’t miss the solitude. Happy Monday, sober family. Keep it simple today.
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