Choosing My Life

I am baffled when I look back on how much control alcohol used to have over my life. I was engaged in a power struggle with something that shouldn’t have been so important to me. Why was I fighting so hard to still drink, if I could just make it work better? I’m so stubborn. I’m no quitter!

I used to sit around stewing and drinking. I stopped doing fun things and blew off pursuing passions. This isn’t like me at all. I’m an Aries!

I’ve always been fiery. I’d take any dare (right @lil_sis_tammie?) up for anything I crave excitement and a challenge. I’m fascinated by ideas, and books, and other cultures. I used to make sure I built my life with intention, alongside good people.

But then there I’d be, 3 glasses in, making hazy plans to shape up and go get my life back. I’d postpone this pledge just one more time, over and over. The.bottle was alway waiting at the end of another unhappy day and I was just so tired….

So I used a drug to help me manage the unhappiness caused by the same drug. Just one more time.

Eventually I was just going through the motions of living: and existence; not a life. I’d lost my will to create a life for myself; aligned with all I love and believe. Every day I chose to drink alcohol, I stayed trapped in a sad existence: I stopped engaging in a ridiculous power struggle. I made the decision to do everything possible to quit alcohol and stay stopped.

I’m getting my life back. I’m growing and learning all the time. I’m connected in my community. My emotional life keeps growing (even in a pandemic).

it’s not always easy. It’s still my life! But I get to choose my path today.

if you’re struggling, you are not alone, stick around, we’re proud of you, and always remember! Don’t drink like my sister.

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