When I was drinking I woke up every day trying to find a reason to get out of bed. If a day’s happiness and productivity rating scale was between 0 and 10 I’d start at about a negative 5. So then I’d be fighting like hell to actually get to a 1. I was so so SO full of fear and sadness and the only way I knew how to cope was to drink more. I never put two and two together or considered the thought that alcohol was strongly leading the way and directing the path for me. I lived in the fog of hangovers, anxiety, and depression and I was paranoid about what others thought of me. I’ve finally come to realize that I’m not THAT important. People don’t just sit around thinking about Tammie or have get-togethers just to diss on me. My assumptions and the truth dined at completely different tables. I was so concerned about what people would think of me that I continued to drink to oblivion, ruin countless relationships, and lose jobs. The legal problems (not to even mention the cost) were always hanging over my head. Why the fu*k did I assume that they assumed anything at all about me? For most of the decades I spent drinking I thought the worst of people. I’d judge, I’d gossip, I’d lie. All to deflect the attention away from me and my debilitating addiction. If I could only pass one piece of advice to my son before I die I’d tell him that you never ever know what someone is going g through so always show others kindness. Oh and I’d add in one more tidbit- don’t drink like your mama did! Sobriety has given me countless gifts, that I never fathomed possible. After j stopped numbing myself and opened my eyes I could finally see them … and receive them. Happy Tuesday, sober family. Keep it simple today.
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