I could not get it through my thick skull that alcohol had its grips on me. I told myself I wanted to drink; I was certainly entitled to get hammered if I damn well pleased.

I make good money. I parent the hell out of these kids. I’ve got plenty of friends and a great family.

It got on my nerves, that I broke promises to myself. I’m highly driven and have been high achieving. So I just had to really focus and figure out how to enjoy drinking and control it.

I was not about to slink into some AA meeting. I wasn’t in the mood to envision myself socializing or “de stressing” without wine. At the same time, I was frustrated and exhausted trying all my tricks to cut down, limit occasions, take a cleanse, or switch my routines.

I couldn’t accept that it could be that hard. It seems easy enough for most people I know. Have a few, now and then. Sometimes order just water (!!!) at dinner.

Maybe I’ll save some of you some time and headaches. I get it now. I lost the choice to moderate my drinking long before I started really seeing negative effects. Once I started giving myself limits, tests, and challenges, which I inevitably ended up failing, I finally did get it through my stubborn head.

I got addicted to an addictive substance, and there’s no moderating addiction. Or maybe there is, but I exhausted all the ways you can imagine. So I did what I had to do, that I’m so so happy and proud I did- quit.

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