The life of purgatory. No…existing in purgatory. What I was doing in active addiction wasn’t living. I was surviving, never thriving. When I heard people say “every morning wake up to a life you can’t wait to get to” I was like ummm whaaaat? I couldn’t even fathom that. Who had a life they couldn’t wait to get to? I sure didn’t. Here’s why. I’d wake up with a pounding head and nauseous gut. The panic would set in almost immediately so I’d check my phone to see who I pissed off. I’d make it through an anxiety infused day only to start drinking again and keep the cycle going. I guess I assumed I was a badass and that the rules of moderation or abstinence didn’t apply to me. I wasn’t a badass. I was afraid of everything. I was scared I’d be called out, scared my perfectly planned life didn’t look so perfect from the outside. The cracks on my facade had been getting bigger every year. I was scared I smelled like last night’s booze and I was even scared to brush my teeth because I just wasn’t in the mood to puke again. I was scared to drive, even sober, because my anxiety levels were through the roof. I could go on and on but I think the point is clear. Alcohol never once did me any favors. Not once. This chick can’t drink like a lady so I had to put it down. I’m so glad I did because guess what? I was excited to wake up to my life today. Happy Tuesday, sober family. Keep it simple today.
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