We Drank to Forget the Things We did When We Drank

My sister and I are pretty smart in some ways, but we sure were slow learners when it came to our drinking.

Here’s a snippet of how it was when I was drinking:

I’d wake up with a feeling of dread.

Stellar start.

Then I’d scan my memory for everything that happened the night before. I’d check for blank spots, and strain to remember exactly what was I’d said when I slammed out the door?

Sometimes I’d realize nothing bad had happened, I hadn’t been busted by my kids, or left a bottle somewhere random, or gotten any new unexplained bruise (that I could see).

I’d be exhausted and often hungover. But then with that shaky adrenaline feeling from waking up with anxious dread.

I’d realize I hit snooze too many times and have to rush to get to everywhere on time. Forget breakfast, no time to pack lunch. I don’t feel like eating anyway. As I raced out the door, I’d tell myself that’s it. No more wine. I quit forever, I swear.

Then I’d work and do the mom thing and be oh-so-overworked and of course I was going to pour a glass of wine TODAY. I mean come ON. I couldn’t be expected to just trudge along until bedtime with no reward, on top of the no thanks I already got? Please.

And the years rolled on just like this until I was drinking wine like water and getting scared I really couldn’t stop.

I got honest with myself and loved ones. And received encouragement and support. I asked for help. Help was freely given. I made a decision to do whatever I could to get myself through a day without a drink.

My life was so much harder when I was drinking. I couldn’t get a handle on it.

Today, I don’t have to drink to forget. And as long as I’m sober, I’m in control of my decisions. So I’m not doing things I desperately want to forget. I don’t have to try to medicate my shame and unhappiness today.

Have a great weekend, sober family!

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