FEAR

I’m a runner.

I’ve been living for the future (new and improved!) for years, rarely slowing down to appreciate where I am right now.

A sober friend taught me these acronyms for FEAR years ago, and I preferred option A.

F
Everything
And
Run

Complicated? Uncomfortable? Difficult?

Byeeee.

“It’ll be way better,” I thought. “I’ll get a new job. A new man. New town. New friends. No problem. I’ll find the cutest new house and celebrate with a bottle or two of wine. I can’t wait to start over and reinvent myself.”

I simply refused to admit the truth: my constant vague dissatisfaction with how my life was going had a LOT to do with alcohol.

I pushed away nagging thoughts of quitting, once the shame of the last time faded.

Instead, I kept a death grip on the one thing that stood in the way of reaching my full potential and maintaining genuine relationships. I finally had to get rid of it.

I decided to give myself a chance, and I stopped running. I stayed put and I evicted alcohol from my home. I told people I was done and I meant it. I took it a day at a time, and I made myself find sober people and see how they were doing it.

Sometimes I still want a fake ID and a suitcase full of cash (what kids?), but that feeling does pass. I have a life full of gifts, and I don’t want to take them for granted anymore.

It’s scary. The unknown, the facing yourself. Reach out if you need support. This is an amazing community ❤️

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