I found this questionnaire on an addiction research site online. I added the last question. To answer the questions it asks you to check off if you’re extremely confident, somewhere in the middle,or not at all confident. I can be 100% confident that I could never resist the urge. The depressed or happy thing? Check and check. I wanted to wallow in my sorrows or celebrate with my bestie, the bottle. Shaky or sick? What do you think? I had to give myself a fighting chance to get better! I NEEDED a drink! Nervous? Well duh. I’d drink every time I had to deliver a speech in my speech class in high school…since that worked out so well you can be sure I’d keep doing it when I was nervous about anything. When I had friends who would be meeting a guy for the first time and go to a coffee shop I’d tell them they were in fucking sane- why not give yourself a chance and belly up to a bar?! Around other drinkers? Faaaageht about it. Moderate? Now that’s the craziest one of all. If I have one, I’m having 10. If I’m going to add alcohol calories to my diet, you can be certain that I’ll feel it. Why bother if you’re not going to get wasted? When I was drinking underage I’d always get whoever was buying our alcohol to get at least double of what my friends asked for. I couldn’t risk the mere thought of running out. Finally… if the day ended in a “y”. Any day I was lucky enough to wake up alive (or just existing at the end) I’d be sure to drink. I can’t begin to tell you how many of these questionnaires I’ve taken in this lifetime. Some because I was afraid of who I’d become, some because it was mandated by the courts, some because my doctor asked me to, some because I was checking into rehab. Even when I lied and downplayed the answers it always came up the same. I had/have a severe case of alcohol use disorder. I didn’t need a questionnaire to tell me that, I’ve known it since I was 16. I could never justify my drinking by saying “so and so gets much more wasted than I do”. I was always the much more wasted one. Today I don’t have to live the lies anymore. Life is far better on this side. Happy Tuesday, sober family. Keep it simple today.
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sober #soberlife #sobermom