Alone

When we were growing up we equated alcohol with sophistication, parties, and class. Drinking was a social event and every time our parents hosted anything there was alcohol. It made the women sparkle, the men charming, and the mood light. When we drank in high school we did it at parties. In college it seemed everyone was doing it and we were part of it. In our 20s and 30s we hosted dinner parties with all the liquor and wine you could drink. At some point, though, the social aspect of alcohol disappeared. We didn’t drink with others to celebrate or commiserate, we drank alone. We knew that we’d embarrass ourselves if we went in public. There was never enough to feel as drunk as we thought we deserved to feel. I had to have at least four roadies before we got to any event. Eventually it was just easier to isolate and drink the way I wanted to on my couch. I have a friend who once said, “ I’d rather be alone and lonely than in a relationship and feel alone”. That’s how I feel about alcohol now. I don’t want to miss any more of the beauty life has to offer. It was a sad existence of purgatory for me for many years. My boyfriend was playing a private party the other night and said it was so interesting to him – everyone watching him play had a can in hand. They all needed to have that crutch to hang out and feel comfortable. Not me. I was lost, I found alcohol, and lost me. Over it. There is nothing more important to me than my sobriety today. I refuse to be a slave to a toxic liquid and addiction. I’m happy to listen to my man play and be able to actually remember it. Happy Tuesday, sober family. Keep it simple today.

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