I’ve been trying to get to the why of my addictions. Why did I self sabotage for so many years? Why didn’t I love myself enough to get and stay sober and instead ingested and smoked copious amounts of poison? Where was the love for myself that I easily showed others? Why wasn’t I comfortable enough in my own skin without having to alter my brain and body with whatever substance was available?
Everyone’s why is unique. Simply put (there’s a lot more that goes into this), I wasn’t happy in my own skin. I had anxiety that a drink would make disappear. Until it made it worse. I thought I wasn’t good enough and cocktails would make me feel better, until they didn’t. That liquid courage helped me get over my fears. Until it debilitated me to the point of agoraphobia. My ego fucked me up y’all. Being consumed by what other people think almost killed me as I consumed more and more alcohol. Today I can honestly look at myself in the mirror and give me a genuine smile. Simple…as long as I remember who I am- and I definitely am, an alcoholic. Happy Tuesday, sober family. Keep it simple today.