We live our lives based on choices and I try to make the right ones. I thought it was always my choice to keep drinking and that no one should tell me otherwise. We tell our kids to “make good choices!” when they’re old enough to know what that means. I didn’t choose to be an alcoholic but I most certainly qualify. One of the reasons I could FINALLY give up the bottle was the realization that I had zero control over my addiction. I drank against my will. I tried to stop and couldn’t. I switched to wine instead of liquor. That didn’t make a difference. I chose to only drink on certain days. That went out the window as soon as I had a reason to drink on my “off” days (that reason could be – it was a great day, it was a horrible day, my job sucks day, my job is awesome day, my dog is sick day, the fucking sun is out day). I don’t like to rely on anyone else and have a big issue with asking for help. I think a lot of alcoholics and addicts share this trait of stubborn self-will.
Finally I recognized that a liquid in a bottle had control over my entire life. That PISSED ME OFF. How dare you, alcohol?! At that point my choice was easy. Give it up, or give up everyone and everything you love. Alcohol isn’t going to run my life. At least if I fuck something up I only have myself to blame. No more excuses. Fuck you, alcohol. I’m way too good for you. Happy Sunday, sober family. Keep it simple today.