In the seemingly never ending cycle of addiction I couldn’t see how I could make my life better, or even doable. I wanted to function like the person I thought I was meant to be. I wanted to live a life I couldn’t wait to wake up to. I wanted wanted wanted. A person can want all she wants 🤣 but if there’s no change, there will be no change. For some reason I didn’t think I deserved all of the things that would make me happy. Not material things, just things like happiness, serenity, and love. I couldn’t see that my alcoholism was holding these things out of my reach. I would have moments of happiness and realize that life wasn’t so bad. Then I’d celebrate that joy with a few bottles and it would disappear. On a good night, I had 12 minutes of serenity. After 4-5 drinks I’d be happy. For 12 minutes. Out of 24 hours. Then that even stopped happening. As soon as I dropped the bottle and started picking up the pieces I got better. It didn’t happen overnight and it’s a shit ton of work and effort. Now I know that it’s completely worth it. The fears and the tears that I battle to make my life the one I’ve been searching for are worth it. I know what I want and how to get there. My aspirations are huge and I can see them without the fog of a drunken or hungover mind. I may have some wasted hours these days where I’m not doing jack shit but it’s still a hell of a lot better than wasting years of my life in the cups. Happy Thursday, sober family. Keep it simple today

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