I always thought I was solely addicted to alcohol. Oh and cigarettes. Oh yeah, and coffee. Once I got sober for a few months I recognized that my addictions go way beyond what I thought. I am constantly craving attention. I want everyone to LOVE me, even if I can’t stand them. I dress in a certain way to go to 12 step meetings to get the most attention. The sluttier, the better. I have to work out every day now. I am super weird about diet and am obsessed with not getting big. On the flip side, I eat tons of candy and chocolate.
What does all of this say about me? Primarily it says that I still have a lot of work to do. The alcohol I abused was a solution more than a problem in itself. As we say in AA, I have a thinking problem, not just a thinking problem. I’m more concerned with what people think of me than of what I think of myself.
I broke up with a man a few months ago. When I decided I wanted him back, he had moved on. I was devastated. My gut told me that it wouldn’t have worked out anyway but WHY DIDNT HE WANT ME ANYMORE? Who gives a shit? My ego did. That’s where my problems lie.
The work is never over. And now we have to feel it all without numbing. At least today I know I won’t pick up a drink. That’s enough for today.
Keep it simple, Sober Family.