I used to take pride in having a hard edge. My sense of humor was cutting and sarcastic. I could cut you down with a look, cut you out of my life without a second thought. Betray your secrets. Gossip about you in drunken recklessness.
Now I try to be kinder and more patient. To look for the good in other people. To remember everyone is wounded somehow and not rush to judgement so fast. To let people in.
The beautiful and independent Audrey Hwpburn said, “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” Practicing all this helps my emotional sobriety. And removes the desire to drink. I’m not perfect. Ask my sister 🤣.
But I try to be kind and helpful. And THIS IS KEY- I try to do all this for myself too. It has taken time to heal from decades of abusing myself and hurting other people. It has taken time to accept and embrace who I am and what I can offer others. It has taken time to get honest and vulnerable. All I can do is keep trying. Sobriety has given me my self respect back. It has given me a much greater capacity for compassion and love. It has given me what alcohol never could. It just took time.