I’ve been thinking about a certain saying that has lasted for generations. “Be careful what you wish for” keeps popping in my mind these days. I’m not going to get all hippie dippie and say that the universe hears what you wish for and makes it happen BUT…since I’ve gotten sober that seems to be the case. Maybe now I’m just cognizant of the fact because my brain isn’t in a constant fog.
Before the pandemic I recall saying to anyone who would listen, “I just want to do nothing and I always have to do something”. I had to go to work, be a mom, go to my 12 step meetings, etc.
All of a sudden it all changed. I found myself stressed and anxious and a bit depressed. I don’t like change, though I’m working on that because it’s always going to fucking happen.
I remember wishing with all my heart that I would stop drinking. I wished that I could stop drinking “so much”. I wished that I could start “drinking like a lady”. These wishes didn’t come true until I finally surrendered to the fact that as a true alcoholic I can never drink successfully. Rehab helped because I was locked away from alcohol for those first 28 days. Every single one of my closest friends from rehab have relapsed. Why not me? I can’t answer that but I can say that so many wonderful things have happened in my life because I don’t drink that I’m not willing to risk it.
I now find myself wishing every day for another day of sobriety. I work at it, don’t get me wrong, and sometimes I just have to ride out those triggers for a few hours, but I get another sober day.
Here’s wishing you all a beautiful Friday. Keep it simple, sober family.